Grief and the holidays

The loss of a loved one is generally a big, huge disaster, but never so much as during the holidays (and by that I mean any holiday - a birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the 1st Friday of the month, the 1st Wednesday of the month...).  Having spent roughly 15 years working my tail off to try to pull some meaning out of the holidays when faced with the huge gaping hole left by my Mom's passing, you'd think I'd be patient with the misery that is so apparent in my family this year with my Mother-in-law's passing (and last year, with my Dad's passing).  Sadly, patience is a virtue I'm still working to acquire...and also, it seems that my response to grief is to just work harder (hoping I'll work it all away).  I'd do anything to spare my family (and myself) the feeling of that gaping hole.  I can't bear the fact that my husband is losing himself in that hole this year.

SO.  Thanksgiving.  What a giant pain in the ass to overhear these conversations:  "Do you have to cook this year?  No, I don't, my mom always cooks" when there is not a bit of gratefulness in the tone of the asker OR the answerer, just the sense that they only want to get done with their obligation and move on.  Worse is when I'm not just feeling the tone of the conversation, but when I'm actually overhearing people complaining about their family obligations.  I wish I could record these people complaining about their parents and then I could magically appear at their homes in the weeks and months after their parents have passed away to replay these recordings.  So MEAN OF ME, but it's painful to listen to such a huge lack of gratitude and to watch people sharing their negativity, like it's acceptable to share those bad feelings.

Why is it that people feel it is better to share their complaints than their joys?  Could it be that our society is such a jealous and bitter one - that regular life is so fraught with misery that people feel it is more important to share their own misery than their own happiness?  NO!  It's NOT!  But I'm caught in that same trap.  I'm writing about my own jealousy and bitterness!  I'm jealous and bitter that these people have families to treasure and they aren't treasuring them...but I know I was guilty of being the same way.

I think Thanksgiving is a holiday that we must celebrate.  For at least one day a year, we should be thankful...and also happy to hear of the joys in other people's lives.  What a great idea to share our happinesses and joys rather than our banal and rather ridiculous complaints!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all.  I hope that you are enjoying the gift of your life, your family, the things that make you happy, the things you have learned and been given.