At the end of June, we hurriedly started a renovation of the whole first floor of our home. My mother-in-law was the brains behind this operation, and when it became clear to me that 1) she really meant it, she really wanted to see this happen and 2) she didn't think she had much time left, I begged the contractor she found to come and start this crazy project early. He is a most wonderful man, and so he did...but unfortunately, my dear mother-in-law passed away as the walls were being torn down and built up again in my house. Our last picture of her shows her smiling as she watches Bill hang our kitchen's late 70's oak cabinets in our garage....but she never got to see any of the finished product (makes me miserable to think about).
So...we've had a summer of a mess. New hardwood floors, new stairs and railings, new cabinets, appliances, etc. Although we aren't blessed in all ways (who is), we have been blessed to have friends who have given us good advice, to have had my mother-in-law's guidance throughout the entire planning process, and to have found good, honest workers and so the disastrous remodeling process has not been magnificently easy but it's not been horribly hard, either.
Finally our appliances are in, our granite fiasco is cleared up, we have a sink in our kitchen, and I can move us back in. It feels like I am moving into an entirely new house (though the footprint of the kitchen is the same, the cabinets are taller and there are fewer of them, the arrangement of the whole main level is different, etc.)...and I'm feeling the disadvantages of all the moves we've made in the 11 years of our marriage (5 houses, and now this is the 6th/sort of). I'm going through piles from this move, but also piles from other renovations/moves, finally (because we are really moving in this time...this stuff is here for keeps)...and it's kind of sad to see all of the little items that got lost along the way popping back up. The kids have grown up so much! We've been so busy and it's all flying by...and from what I hear, it's going to get even faster.
It feels really really sad to be settling into this house, physically and emotionally, with all of the things we've picked out, etc. without my mother-in-law. How many phone calls would I have made to her, how many impromptu visits would she have made (or photos would I have sent to her if she wasn't able to travel over) to see the improvements, would she be proud and happy and comfortable here? But tonight, at the same time, when I pick through our misplaced piles of paper and find Emma's 1st grade dictionary and Katie's scrolling papers, and way back to before breast cancer, before we even had Nathan, and mostly, to way back when I felt my luck was going to change soon, before I had so much experience with the fragility of life and the pain of loss, I realize how fast it is all going. It is really really time to settle in, to make this house cozy and organized and home-like, before my kids are all grown up and gone (even if I don't feel like it, even if it hurts to be doing it without the mastermind).
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